GOODBYE FOODIE’S, HELLO CIBO! (PRONOUNCED CHEEBOW)

Foodie is an awful word…I have been thinking it, I’ve seen stories about it, People have posted on their blogs about it, I’ve heard it on radio programs and seen it on TV…But nobody is doing shit about it! Well finally, Pavlov is here to do something about it. I’m coming up with another word for food enthusiast…and we have the Italians, and me, to thank for it.

Foodie, how precious… I have been reading several stories and blogs about people who hate the term Foodie. I am not one of those people. I think the word “Foodie” is perfect as it has come to characterize an uppity, pretentious, self absorbed, half assed, half informed, let me get 10 more pics before you start eating, little snit of person. The problem with that, is a full 70 or so percent of people who identify themselves as a “Foodie” aren’t that at all! I’m not for eradicating the term foodie at all, just the opposite…Let’s embrace it for what it is, and for who “they” are. I say the word foodie should be around forever, and stand for what folks think about when they hear it. Berserk which started as an old Norwegian root word for bear shirt, today has come to symbolize bat shit crazy….you see? Let’s leave the foodies to their word.

CIBO… Think of a sentence that you would use the word Foodie in to describe yourself to a friend or acquaintance when talking about your interest in all things food. Now instead of using foodie, insert CIBO it’s Italian (more on why Italian in a minute) and it simply means “food”…say it a couple of times…doesn’t really sound like anything does it? Sort of sounds like something from the land of make believe, but without the tennis shoes and cardigan. Think of it this way, Kleenex, Kool Aid or Trojan’s  didn’t really sound like much when people first said them either. (Come to think of it, how did the folks at Trojan think the name would work well? You’re not really sneaking something inside of it that the other person doesn’t know about….are you…..anyways, back to CIBO.) We are in the beginning stages of this “Branding” so let’s tread carefully here people. When you see something awful you might see a foodie do, go ahead and call them what they are….foodie! When you see someone enjoy food, discuss food without becoming apoplectic at the mention of less humble fare such as a hot dog, take a picture or two before eating…they’re being what?! That’s right….they’re CIBO! 

But Pav, wasn’t there something cooler we could have gone with than CIBO, surely the Greek, Latin, French, or the Chinese languages have some small easy to say word meaning food, eat, food lover, eater etc… Let me just say this, no they don’t. I thought of all the civilizations we got food from, and these are pretty much the basics folks, so don’t come at me with “Hey Pav, there’s this really cool  Azerbaijani word for pork chops” Great…let’s use that word when discussing pork chops. But after exhaustive research (10 minutes on google translator) this is the word I have decided on, and am sticking with. I found Chinese too difficult to pronounce, and I didn’t want to turn the word for “eat” into another word for “whore” because of my shitty Mandarin. French, Uh yeah…well I’m French (more precisely Acadian but let’s not split hairs here), and nothing sounds more pretentious than something said in French. Greek, a beautiful language but again a nightmare of inflection, and with an alphabet that makes Prince’s symbol name easier to pronounce . Latin…Latin I actually had fun with as it is a language I took almost 3 years of, and yet it is still a complete friggin mystery to me… so here is your Latin for the day. Caesar si viveret, ad remum dareris! Translation: “If Caesar were alive, you’d be chained to an oar!” As far as useful terms for food….not so much. So Italian was close enough for me….besides, I was getting tired of clicking on all the language buttons.

A few rules to be CIBO:

1) Enjoy food, all food.*
2) Vegetarians and vegans can be cibo, but leave the bullshit at the door. (you know what I mean)
3) Keep the pics to a minimum…some of us like to eat hot food.
4) Talk about food, all food*
5) No fucking whining
6) New rules may be added in the future to protect the sanctity of the word cibo.
7) The word cibo may be capitalized, but there is no need for adding an “s” or any other cutsie endings.
8)NO MENTAL MASTURBATION… Just because you can afford to eat fancy and buy expensive cuts of meat doesn’t mean that you’re more CIBO than someone else.

*Q) What is food? A)Pretty much anything that you can eat that won’t kill you, from bat guano (and actually I’m not sure about the bat guano so check with your local bat guano dealer for details, warnings and restrictions) to Velveeta.

So there you have it folks, CIBO, your new identity. Enjoy it, own it, live it! If you see somebody messing it up, call them out as the dickheads…errr….I mean,  foodies that they are. Feel free to go out there and spread the word…then after that we can practice our Latin : Semper ubi sub ubi!

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