“Variety is the spice of life” I’m not sure if it was Hugh Hefner or Pee Wee Herman who said that but I believe it holds true with diet and women. I’m sure you wives wouldn’t agree with the latter, so let’s concentrate on the former and go biblical with this. Four weeks ago before I started my new outlook on food I realized I had all the variety God gave Adam and Eve, and what was I doing with it?! I was knocking down all the apples from the damned forbidden tree and making hard cider…with Eve’s help of course.
OK they weren’t apples, and unless “The Cat” is just a disguise it wasn’t Eve either… but there was most certainly forbidden fruit. If Apples were what Adam was tempted by, it’s only because Benton Farm hadn’t started making bacon yet. I was eating things people on vacation eat because they say “screw it, it’s vacation!”, and I was saying “screw it, it’s Tuesday!” Tuesday should never be an acceptable excuse to eat a pint of Ben & Jerry’s wrapped in bacon and washed down with a quart of Egg Nog… unless you have a death wish, trouble gaining weight or that Tuesday happens to fall on the apocalypse. So what can I eat?
Salad! Hell yeah I’ll have salad and that’ll be easy too. I’ll have lots of salad and really change it up. One day I’ll put beets in, the next day spring mix, goat cheese, top them with protein and hell maybe I’ll add a few nuts or fruit for fun! Barely a week or so later I decided salads are “fun” to eat when you’re going to have a Porterhouse somewhere in the second course, but as an every single night main meal, no thank you. I think the only people that find salads fun to eat every night, are people who wear yoga pants and run marathons for fun. I like salads, just not every day.
Vegetables are great and I love the variety. I grill, steam and broil them. I find that when I broil and grill them they get sweeter and have good flavor that doesn’t require adding anything. I used to look at vegetables as the food my food ate, but now we have made peace with each other and I have come to accept them as a valuable part of my eating strategy which is to say, I’m trying to eat every one of those sons a bitches as I can…in moderation.
I’ve increased the spice level on my proteins about three times what I normally would and shrunk the portion size by about two-thirds. I love meat at much as the next person who eats a ton of meat, but truth be told our bodies don’t need as much as we eat. When I was a younger man I was quantity over quality guy preferring to ride my steak out of the store. Now I find I’m perfectly happy with a petite filet mignon or roughly three to four ounces of whatever can’t outrun a bullet…just make it flavorful.
I’m incorporating legumes and starchy vegetables like peas and corn in small amounts to add a little substance and interest. I’m also making a lot of salsas, reductions and purees to increase the flavor component and keep the dishes interesting so “OH CHICKEN!” doesn’t become “Really?… FUCKING CHICKEN?!” You’d be surprised how a little salsa of roasted tomato, squeeze of lime juice, red onion, harrisa or Sriracha, cilantro and (calm down you bastard cilantro haters, you can add parsley or basil too!) pineapple or mango can really elevate a plate.
I’ve increased the amount of Fruit lying around the house so when I am hungry I have no problem justifying a healthy snack rather than dancing with the devil spawn some call Nutella. That shit leads to standing naked in front of the sink at three am with an empty container, a Nutella mustache and wondering what the hell happened. Have I cheated? You mean by eating more than I should? No. As for fat and carbs yes I have them, but in healthy amounts. I mean hell, water is the healthiest thing you can drink on the planet but it’ll kill you via dilutional hyponytremia if you drink too much of it. Everything in moderation except death and cobra venom is what I say.
Four weeks and I’m down 23 pounds. (That’s 10.3 kilos or half a Bassett Hound) To all the Pav groupies out there (I believe there was 1 female in Idaho named…uh… Tim?!… who had some nice things to say about me) this is going to hurt but, no picture of me this week, maybe next week. Instead I give to you, what a portion of dinner now looks like now.