“Lifestyle Change” Where the hell does one even begin? I mean it’s not just a dietary or exercise change but somehow it rubs me the wrong way. “The New ME” sounds like the title of a bad book that lasted a week in the self-help section and ended up in the bargain bin for $2.99 next to “I’m OK, You’re Screwed”. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated, but for now I’m going to call it…The “New Deal.” Now I’m not comfortable using leftover government terms but let’s face it, anybody alive reading this that remembers the “New Deal” is either a dementia patient, or nursing homes are really ratcheting up their torture programs.
TIPS n TRICKS for your “New Deal”- Ok these are all tips as there is nobody to trick except yourself, and if you’re not smart enough to spot you tricking yourself then you probably can’t read this anyway or you need to send me $500 to help me buy a unicorn farm. Yes, I’m referring to you people who set your clocks ahead 15 minutes so you can “get an extra fifteen minutes of sleep”.
Before you eat drink eight ounces of water- For you Dutch folks that’s 236 ml or as much mayonnaise as you’d like to put on a slice of bread if it would only hold that much. No, I’m not one of those people who believe drinking a glass of water will make you less hungry. Everyone knows drinking a glass of water will only make you less thirsty, but when you’re about to eat I’ve read it helps aid digestion. I’m not a doctor so whether it does or not I don’t know but it can never hurt to be hydrated, so think of eating as a reminder to hydrate.
Break your exercise into increments- Ok so maybe this one is a trick, but by breaking things down into smaller numbers my pea-sized brain finds it more manageable. Take forty push-ups, I’m doing five to get to one, and so on until I reach 8… 5X8=40. I know this may sound silly to some. My friend Marlena would probably do forty push-ups, then do eighty more just to spite the first forty. She’s one of the most motivated people I know and a true inspiration to me, but I need to play mind games for now until I get a six pack… or at least until I get something that won’t get me pushed back in the ocean and doused with water when I lie on the beach.
Grazing helps- When I was a kid my buddy and I used to have eating competitions to see who could eat faster and it became a regular way of eating. Now I try to either write (I did say try) or read something. I know this is a tough one at the family dinner table because you have to feign interest in that thing your five year old drew in art class. So do it when appropriate and you’ll find half-way through your meal you’re nearly satisfied. Mini-Tip, Do Not eat until you’re full.
Always leave food in your plate-Chances are you cut down on your portions, and still taking too much. Look, I know you’re eating less food and you feel like a duck on a June bug come lunch/dinner time. Start off by leaving a morsel and later on work yourself up to a couple bites, these extra calories add up. Think of it as a moral victory over years of poor eating, and fewer calories you have to burn later. This is a habit of most healthy people, and they do it subconsciously. I need to train myself to do this to be healthy, I’m unhealthy and I don’t want to be unhealthy guy anymore…or as the Dutch say…” Als de hemel valt, krijgen we allemaal een blauwe pet” Translation: “If the sky should fall, we will all be wearing blue hats.” Get it?! Got it?! Good.