Twinkies and Puppies

Well that’s just smashing, finally we as Americans have something to celebrate and be proud of, a nostalgic snack food combined with the miracle of modern science . You know we Americans like nothing more than an underdog, especially when that underdog has a great comeback story. This wasn’t just any comeback; this was a comeback of epic proportions. I mean this underdog was knocked the hell out and still came back. You’ve seen it on every news channel, in every newspaper and on practically every website on the internet but I feel like one more fist pump couldn’t hurt so I say bravo Twinkie…BRAVO!


The Twinkie is back but why should we be so jazzed about something I could make at my house with nine ingredients from the pantry and one from the faucet? Oh that’s right, because I’d have to run down to the local toy store and buy one of those “Junior Scientist Chemistry” sets to get the other 27 ingredients. At least I’m pretty sure the local Stop n Shop or Kroger’s doesn’t have a sodium acid pyrophosphate section, or is that what that stuff is next to the canned fried onions?


I know I’ve said you can’t cry foul on any food because we should be able to appreciate all food. Fine, and a valid point; one man’s trash is another man’s Twinkie. I’m sure at this very moment two men are high fiving each other in the Philippines because they just scored some balut (Balut is a partially developed duck still in the shell that’s boiled and eaten) after leaving a bar. So I have no doubt somewhere in a dark basement two guys are high fiving each other after scoring a box of Twinkies and are celebrating by playing video games until their mom makes them go to bed. Just because I find both of those scenarios cringeworthy, I say good for them. I guess deep down it’s not the Twinkie I despise or even the people who like them, but rather all the silly fanfare it’s getting.


I’ve seen so many people racing to create “recipes” utilizing Twinkies, and my favorite is (I’d like to apologize to Italy, all its citizens and anyone who’s ever heard the word Italy for what is about to come out of my fingers) tiramisu. Then I saw one recipe that turned them into little cartoon characters and stuck the now decapitated Twinkies onto the tops of cupcakes. Lastly I saw one used as an odd jaundice looking vehicle for hot dogs of all things! Come on people it’s a snack… cake…thing. Making Twinkies into other foods is like making an Oreo taste like watermelon or turning DMV workers into friendly welcoming people. Some things just aren’t meant to be.


So thankfully the buzz is starting to die down and people seem to be remembering the Twinkie for what it was, something they vaguely remember eating about the same time they got their first puppy and before having to clean up it’s first “mess”. It’s not magical, unless you consider modern food science and the fact they got 27 chemicals together that doesn’t make your binky shrivel up and fall off when you eat them. I tasted a Twinkie given to me when they first came back for nostalgia’s sake, and in the end all I tasted was regret and sadness. Regret that my taste buds sucked as a child, and then sadness in knowing when my puppy Fido got old he didn’t really go to live on a farm in the country.  


2 thoughts on “Twinkies and Puppies

  1. Mikey- So you know… Nothing quite tells you that your in the Philippines until you wake up to the morning with a splitting San Miguel headache like the calls of Balut! Balut! from the Balut guys walking the streets…

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