Wrestling With Your Unhealthy Past

When undergoing a “New Deal” be prepared for your mind and old lifestyle to wrestle a bit, and by wrestle a bit I mean they’ll bring brass knuckles, a 2X4 with a nail in it and a tire chain then kick the living hell out of each other. It’s a good thing I was expecting this and made preparations for it, otherwise I’d be falling victim to my own shenanigans. Let’s look at the different challenges the average schmuck goes through when changing their diet and exercise habits or lack thereof.

“Hey Pav, don’t you ever get hungry?” You bet your sweet bippy I get hungry and you know what, it’s a good thing. Think of it this way, when you decide you want to stop what you’re doing and be healthy, how do you feel? What drove you to want to go on a diet in the first place? If you’re anything like me you decided to go on a diet because you felt full and as sluggish as a three toed tree sloth walking ass deep to a giraffe in mud. You’re sick and tired of feeling stuffed to the gills. Feeling a bit hungry is good, and I find it very motivating that what I’m doing is a good thing.

When I am feeling really hungry and know I won’t make it to a meal I’ll eat a piece of fruit… and before I do I’ve assigned token “reminders” for myself. I’ll do twenty push-ups or sit-ups to remind me that my body has to pay for what it eats. I think back on the movie Full Metal Jacket when Gunnery Sergeant Hartman found a jelly doughnut in Private Pyle’s locker and made everyone else do push-ups for his sins…and in the end Private Pyle was “in a world of shit.”

“Jeez Pav that’s a good amount of weight you lost, why not treat yourself?” Why, because quite frankly I don’t deserve to treat myself.  I have been treating myself with bacon, extolled the virtues of cheese, rib eye and often thought Jameson with gravy chasers a reasonable after dinner digestif for years. So I’m done “treating myself” for now. I think treating yourself is just an excuse to slip back into old habits. Treating me with a slice of pizza would be akin to Lindsay Lohan popping by the club to treat herself to a night out after her 5 hours of rehab… it just doesn’t work that way.

“Hey Pav, how much weight do you need to lose before you start eating normal again?” Well that’s kind of the point of what I’m doing here.  I’ve never eaten normal that I can remember and I don’t intend to go back to eating that way again. When will I have a hot dog on a roll with bacon and Asian slaw, or a slice of pepperoni pizza? I honestly can’t answer that right now. I suspect I’ll eat something like that when I can trust myself more than I do now. I call it a new deal because it’s not a diet. In my mind a diet is a temporary fix to a long term problem and I have definite plans to make my life something I can enjoy years from now…rather than regret fifty pounds of bacon, four cases of Ding Dongs and a tanker of Yoo-Hoo from now.

“Well gee whiz it’s the weekend and you’ve been good…why not just exercise on Monday?!” Again I look at this the same way as a reward, and right now I don’t deserve it. Maybe it’s the Puritanical New Englander in me who just likes to suffer, but I think it’s more like until now the hardest exercise I’ve done is the eight hour backstroke on the couch. I work out every day and I’ll be the first to admit some days I’m just going through the motions. The important thing is when you’re putting in the time, eventually the effort and more importantly the results, will follow. I’ll consider taking a Sunday off when I’m able to vigorously brush my teeth without taking a break and wheezing.

Have a great day; I’m going to go treat myself to some exercise.

Week 5: I’m down 31 lbs. (For my European friends that’s 14 kg-or-a baby kitten and a wheel of Gouda)



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