I’ve thought about what I said a few stories ago about “eating being a pain in the ass”, but what I should have said was…I’m angry at myself. Bad eating habits are like repeatedly poking yourself in the eye with your finger, pulling your finger out, looking at it, then poking it back into your eye and repeating until your eye swells shut. When you have bad eating habits you’re poking yourself in the face with crappy food until your gut swells, but then your mouth never shuts! This is why I’m mad, I’ve been poking myself in the aforementioned pie-hole for years all “fat and happy” then I look in the mirror one day and realize I’m about two inches away from a seatbelt extension on a plane ride to Obeseville.
How could I have done this? Where was my self-respect? A friend of mine said “Getting back into shape takes an awfully long time…” Then I thought hell, getting out of shape takes just as long. If I look back I can even see where it all went pear shaped. I was at one time 292 pounds and I got myself down to 162 pounds in 8 months time using a combination of a diet meant for body builders to be on one week before competitions, and what amounted to legalized speed. It left me weak and looking terrible so I ditched the ephedrine, ate well and worked out until I was back to near 200 pounds which looked good. I stayed there for about five years until I started “treating myself” with food in the same way Liz Taylor treated herself to husbands.
Self destructive behavior is hard to recognize in small doses, just ask Rasputin. Here’s a guy who liked to drink, eat a little cyanide every day and have sex with nearly every female member of Czar Nicholas II of Russia’s entire family and service staff. As a result, Rasputin ended up being poisoned, shot three times, beaten with a barbell handle and drowned… Ok maybe he should have seen that coming. My bad behavior was in the form of bad food and thinking like a thin person blessed with a metabolism. The result was a closet full of clothes with nothing that fit 10 years later.
I’ve thought about this for a few days, and now I know exactly what to do. I’m going to stop being angry at myself and be thankful for seeing the big picture. Anger can be a powerful motivator, (Take Nicholas II for example) but being positive and looking forward is probably even more so. The Navy Seals have a motto, “The only easy day was yesterday” and I believe that holds true with my new deal. Looking forward can be a hard thing to do with so many cheeseburger wrappers on the road I’ve left behind, but in the end forward is the only direction I have absolute control of. Being positive while swimming through life’s swirling cesspool of foreboding doom, despair and the ocassional asshole can be tough, but when you surround yourself with positiveness, and positive people…it makes it that much easier.